Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
