What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
should my penis look like a turkey
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
