I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think my moral compass just broke
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
