Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
