how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
