I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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