Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
