What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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