Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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