Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm having to shit out rocks
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
