where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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