Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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