Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
