Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
