i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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