it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack