Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.