do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.