In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
