The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...