wanna go halves on a baby?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.