I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
