It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
