So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
