I think my fart just growled at me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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