Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
