We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
