So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
