You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
