he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
