I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How external is "for external use only"?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
