guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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