Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
