It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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