pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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