He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
