If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
