is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
