when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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