I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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