Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
