Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
