You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
