my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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