I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just threw up on my dentist
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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