Where are you?
In a non slutty way
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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