I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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