I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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