i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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