you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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