worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
