She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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