I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
