I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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