If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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