It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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