Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
