I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
