New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
