We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
