i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my poor anus
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize