I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
