Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
