When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
