Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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