Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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