My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
